Mr. I-Want-It-All

Today is Saturday and I had my Social Arts midterm exam. I didn't do great 'cause I didn't study. But I doubt that I would fail. But that's really not the most interesting part of my day.

So here's the thing, I transferred to a college in my hometown and it's a lot less privileged than my former university but I have met a few people who have the capacity to go in to the same university I went to, one of whom is a guy who I will call in this entry as Mr. I-Want-It-All.

Mr. I-Want-It-All is actually good-looking. He's got the brains too. He's not my type though because aside from he's young, he's too much of a goody-goody and a loud-mouth. He's got organizations left and right and people are actually stupid enough to put him in-charge.

Why do I call them stupid if even I think that he's smart?

Well that's because him being smart does not necessarily mean that he's a good leader.

He's a worthless leader. It's because he keeps on taking on jobs that he can't do anymore. He likes to... "have it all", which is a stupid idea. No one can have it all. You prioritize and when you have had a lot of things on your hands already, you don't take on more responsibility. But he does. And he thinks that he's mature.

So anyway. We had a group meeting and he started crying like a wuss in front of the group because he says he can't take it anymore. "Everyone keeps on depending on me. I have an event tonight and another meeting later on . I haven't taken a single one of my exams and I want to get back together with my ex-girlfriend but I can't because we broke up in the first place because too many people were depending on me. But I want to get back together with her on the 14th." And I was just sitting there, pretending to be reviewing, holding my head down, biting my lip and trying not to laugh. It was pathetic. He actually cried like a little girl.

Come on! Does he really have to mention that he wants to get back with his ex? How is that even our problem? How does that even relate to our group problem? How does any of his problems our problems?

I'm sorry Mr. I-Want-It-All. You really just have to grow up and realize that in life you can't have it all. You can't pursue all things at the same time and think that you can do great at all of them. A successful life is made up of sacrifices. You have one specific concrete doable goal. And if that's done then you can go on and pursue another one specific concrete doable goal.

To be a success, you have to prioritize. The things that you want to do should be arranged according to importance so that in a situation where you have to choose which you have to do first then you would know what to do. Instead of feeling like you're in a pinch and you wouldn't have to waste time in deciding. Remember that time spent is time wasted.

You're the only one who is accepting all of these responsibilities. No one has forced you to accept any of it and that you could decline anytime. Do not make any excuses. It just makes you look pathetic.

Permanence & Mystique

It's been a long trying week. We have been working on our two video ads for our Multimedia Studies and Digital Animation class. But I think it's worth it. I love the result of all our hard-work and our team is so much fun to work with. I love them all. Wonderful actors and fantastic editors but more importantly, they are just awesome pips.

It would be an honor for me to work with them again.

I hope the rest would also like our video.

A Leap of Faith

The rainy season has come to the fair lands of the Philippines at last.

Looking up to the sky, I can only imagine the hot sun shining above all the dark clouds and I think about how wonderful it was to have felt the warmth of the sun against my skin in the summer.

But I remember a somewhat painful memory and I begin to wish that it was summer again so that I may change what I did.

Last summer on a very hot day, we - my cousins, my father and I decided to go for a swim in the river Mampurog. It was also my cousin's last Sunday at the countryside and she had hoped to go for a swim at the river. Everyone was so excited. We had fun even though there were just five of us, that is, before I ruined everything.

You know how people would jump in to the water? My cousins loved that and naturally they did it several times from a tree nested near a cliff. It looked like fun to me and I wanted to try it.

But right then, when I was about to jump. I froze. I couldn't jump. I saw my cousin in the water cheering me on but I couldn't.

Other people in the vicinity started to take notice. They too started to cheer me on or more likely they just thought it was entertaining. Everyone shouted at me to take the plunge. But all I could do was ask my cousins if it was deep enough... If I would be safe. They insisted that I was going to be but I found it hard to believe.

Was it my fear or was it that I did not trust them?

Many I believe would say it was the fear. I believe it was both.

I have always known that I was the type of person who would never get in to situations without knowing that I'll get through it. I made sure that everything I did was for sure.

I was afraid that I would get hurt. I was afraid that the water was not deep enough that when I hit the water I would hit a rock and fracture my legs. I was afraid that I was going to jump the wrong way, hit my head and die.

I felt that I had no assurance of what to become of me once I hit that water. I felt that my cousins' words were not enough assurance because I felt that I could not trust those words.

But the truth is, I cannot bring myself to trust anyone's words anymore. In the end, I couldn't make that jump. And as I passed through the spectators, one lady asked me, "why did you not jump?" All I could say was, "...because I could not see..."

The whole event seems like a little thing. Aside from embarrassing myself to a bunch of people I didn't know, it was and still is a big thing to me. I don't care that I disappointed my cousins and father, much less do i care about what those spectators thought about me. I care because I disappointed myself and finally realized what a horrible person I am - not because I was afraid but because I could not trust anyone to help vanquish that fear.

As I look up at the dark sky, I am anxiously waiting for summer to return - hoping that by then I could make that jump... hoping that I could take that leap of faith.

Blue Skies

The soft wind brush against my face as I run through an open field. With one hand firmly holding the string of my kite, I run faster and faster to make it fly.

And it does.

So I stood there, wearing a big smile on my face and avoiding the stinging rays of the sun as I look up to watch my kite soar through the sky.

But I see it. So wide... So clean... So unbelievably perfect. I couldn't help myself but stare. I let my body drop to the ground. I unconsciously let go of my kite and I did not care! The blue sky was so enchanting that I just wanted to lay there forever. Watching... dreaming... hoping...

As I stared at the sky aimlessly, I began to realize how awfully small I am compared to such an infinite beauty. It made me think how big the world is and the endless possibilities there are. But despite it's grandeur, it did not intimidate me in the least. One the contrary, it motivated me. The blue sky inspired me to be part of the big world - to somehow make my mark as a person, to be remembered by someone.

I was alone on that field that day. But I kept thinking maybe somewhere there's another girl laying on her back astonished by this wide blue sky or maybe somewhere there's a boy who let go of his kite because he looked up and saw his kite drown in the beauty of the sky.

Blue skies - so beautiful, so seemingly infinite, so seemingly perfect. You can't help but fall in love with it!

Blue Skies - Susie Ariloli

Out of boredom, I recorded this video a couple of months ago. I uploaded it in Youtube, got my friends to see the video and one my best friends, Josce told me in her sarcastic tone how it wasn't obvious that the song was dedicated to my boyfriend Darren. Yes, ladies and gentleman I am glad to announce that I am now in a relationship. Regardless of what my friend thinks, this video was and still is not dedicated to him. But I would really like it if people would comment on the video. Something constructive I hope. Thanks!